20 minutes before torture

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why do I feel so drained nowadays? It makes me angry.. It's just that I don't have the energy anymore to get angry..

My body is all dead beat from my friggin training. If only I could yell at my fats to go away, like "TAKE A FLIPPIN HIKE, LARD!" or "I'M GONNA CUT YOUR THROAT, BELLY!" or any silly threats like that, but no, I can't. I'm simply drained. And I can only curse to myself because I paid for this. Supposedly, I wanted this. Pain included. OH &*()^&(@#^!!!

I want to do so many things but my job won't let me. Yes, if only it weren't for the pay, then I'd be doing something else. I have a list of things I want to do, but I just can't do them. I have plans. I have dreams. But no! I have to push them aside first or worse, throw them away because life comes first. Yes, LIFE, and so far my dreams are not a part of my life.

Growing up was such a mess for me. It felt like I had this unfocused energy inside me but I got the wrong opportunities so I was often misunderstood, or I just got in plain trouble. But now that I kind of have an idea what I want to do, things I know would make me truly happy...

I miss being happy... just being happy for a long time.. It's just unfair that whenever I find the reason to smile, something else takes it away..

I better stop. This post is not worth all the drama.

tags: dreams  

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