Sick, sick, sick.

So I don't feel well today. Oh great.

Okay, you can call me weird now as always. It sucks to be sick coz it really doesn't feel good, but you know what, I'm like, oh hai something happened to me today. It's like this frigging event in my life. Like, zomg I got something to write on my planner!

For example:

Saturday - Went to work

Sunday - Tired. Stayed at home.

Monday - Went to work.

Tuesday - Went to work.

Wednesday - Went to work.

Thursday - Went to work.

Friday - SICK.  Well, hello there, virus!

I'm not implying that this is my actual work schedule. And that I have a planner. But getting sick is such an event for me, you know. It's like, at least viruses remember me once in a while and I'm not forgotten at all. But of course, I made that up. I wasn't lying about the getting-sick-as-an-event thing though.

I think I'd enjoy talking to guys about scars and scabs and all that grossness. That's how I roll.  And I hope you take this already as a warning. Don't read further if you're easily disgusted.

Jamie, do you remember the time you had an operation when you were a baby coz Mom saw your mouth full of blood and stuff when she was feeding you? Oh I'm sorry, you were an infant. That's sad, you don't have any idea. You almost had an "internal" hairlip. Fantastic!

Jamie, do you remember when you were running around the house and the corner of the table cut your face? Oh you might not remember it clearly, but you have a scar near your upper lip. Wonderful!

Jamie, do you remember the time you rolled down the stairs head first when you were nine because you were chasing your nanny who was leaving? Awesome!

Jamie, do you remember back in grade school when it was time to go home and you were carrying your stroller bag down the stairs, and the metal scraped your foot? The scraped skin was still hanging on for dear life and it hurt but you didn't cry, right? Good girl!

Jamie, do you remember the small wart you had on your leg and you decided to cut it off with nail clippers? Oh hale, blood was dripping down your leg while you were walking around the house, correct? But you were so happy coz the wart was gone and never came back. High five!

Jamie, didn't you feel ecstatic every time a soccer ball hit your fingers and your joints got friggin sore? Invigorating!

Jamie, how did it feel when you sprained your left ankle and you can never bend it now so much like before? Fabulous!

Jamie, do you remember when you were at Dad's office and you stapled your finger? Sweet!

Jamie, do you remember when you got some keys from Mom's drawer and you were trying to put all of them in keyholes? But for this matter, the keyholes weren't keyholes but electrical outlets? Got the shock of your life! Sizzling!

Jamie, don't you just love carpet burns, bath salt burns and razor burns? Oh burn, baby, burn! Go on with your bad ass arsonist self!

Jamie, you almost got your left eye blind for leaving your contact lenses on once when you slept, correct? You could have been a pirate, girl, if you got blind! ARRRRRRR!

Jamie, remember the time you dove for the soccer ball and your head hit the goal post? Cuckoo! Cuckoo! How about the time you headed the ball Coach kicked from across the field? Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Jamie, do you rememb--

I can't go on. I'm sick.

"Sick", according to Urban Dictionary, means

1. to feel ill, or not well.
2. A secondary word for awesome.
3. Gross, disgusting.
4. Tired, pissed off.
5. Horny.

Told you, it's quite an experience.

tags: sick  

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