It's been said that irrational hate skews reasoning.

I made this friends-locked post and I have to say it drained me a little. I'm not exactly sure why. And I don't know what has gotten into me that I can't seem to post the whole thing that's why it was friends locked. So yeah, here are the excerpts.

I hate the fact that I can't punch your arm so hard to show you how much I hate you. I hate it that I won't even see your reaction when it hurts and when I do hit you, I cannot make it up to you afterwards.

I hate that I admire you because I am lost for words to justify this.

I hate you. And coincidence. And the uncomfortable silence. And your guts. And your face. And you again. It will always come back to you and I hate it.

You suck.

~~~

The other day, I just snapped. I don't know what has gotten into me either. I usually hold it together when my stepmom tells me I'm insensitive. Previously she said that I didn't bother to ask where she was when she was gone missing during the New Year celebration and it just proved to her how insensitive I am.

You see, my dad and stepmom have marital problems (Haha as if couples don't have their usual arguments). I've written about this before in LiveJournal. My stepmom came back though because of my siblings a.k.a. her kids. She has already planned that they'll move out in April (great, my birth month, just great) because the school year is finished by then. I've already accepted this and I know it's going to be hard for all of us at first, but it has to be done. Anyway, my stepmom just had a talk with me and that's what she said; that I didn't bother to ask why she left. All of a sudden, I just walked out on her.

I DIDN'T WANT TO FUEL THE FIRE!!! THIS IS WHY I DON'T TALK MUCH ABOUT IT!

AND I DID F*CKING ASK! SHE JUST WASN'T AROUND TO WITNESS IT. AND IF SHE DID WITNESS IT, THEN SHE HASN'T LEFT AT ALL AND ASKING WOULDN'T BE NECESSARY ANYMORE, NOW WOULD IT?

  
I also had this urge to beat the f*ck out of my dad because he's a bastard. He seriously needs help. I can't do this alone...

There's so much hate I feel right now. I don't even know if it's still healthy. Don't worry about me though. I get angry but it's just for a little while. I don't harbor any ill feelings towards my stepmom and dad. It was just this heat of the moment thing.

And this made me feel a bit better even though I hated him so much.

It's Clint and his mom. 

tags: hate  livejournal  family  stepmom  dad  clint  mom  

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