Stressed. :(

woke up to bad news today: my flash disk is missing! arghuyghfiogysobfos the last time ive seen it was 2 days ago, and i was like, i shouldn't bring this with me when i go out because i won't be logging on to the internet anyway and it's safe here on my bed. apparently that's not true. it's gone.  ill look for it again in my room, i swear i saw it there last and it's strange that im quite attached to it because 1) it's expensive and i suddenly feel "weak" when i find out ive just lost something valuable, 2) my friend's photos are in there and i dont have a backup in my laptop.

my brother still hasnt talked to me and ive formed weird assumptions upon losing my usb drive. i know it's just bad to accuse, but still, what are the possibilities of him seeking revenge on me?? i even checked my trash bag today because he might have thrown it away or something. lol. anyway, of course i feel bad that he doesnt talk to me, and i bet that he feels the same tension i feel because he'd like to go online but our desktop's OS is corrupted and the only way to go online is to use my laptop, and it makes me laugh a bit because he doesnt want to ask permission from me.. well i bought him some clothes last november for his birthday but ive never seen him wear them. he probably doesnt like them but he could have tried wearing them even once when we were still in good terms, then i would know he appreciates it. not that im asking for something in return, it's just that i have this quite strong appreciation for gifts and it's just sad that my brother can't somehow reciprocate it. note to self: never buy him clothes anymore. or any gift at all. lesson learned the hard way.

i have a dream of earning money to buy my sister a laptop. i told my dad about this but he warned me about it. my sister might just sell it and stuff since she's quite picky with her cellphone, she might do it on her laptop as well. that's not what i thought when i told him about buying her a laptop. i just wanted her to have one that she can use when she's got tons of paperwork in college this coming school year. (this is why i wanted to win the hbo video contest because the prize is a macbook air. it's more than what you could ask for a laptop for schoolwork.) my dad told me to just think about myself, like what i want to invest on instead. of course i should save too, but if money is going to dictate your life, then you are not handling your money well. money is handling you.

my dad and i went to this appliance center to check the tv sets. really good stuff in there, but im much more drawn to the washing machines. yup, i was dreaming of buying a washing machine with my own money. or a refrigerator. omg i want to build my own house and pick my own stove!!! seriously im getting old. sigh..

ive been thinking of getting into culinary school with my friend. i know, i know!!! jamie? culinary school? oh shit! who would have thought??!! but i mean, why not? im pretty tired of my work and i want to try something else, you know, just to explore. it's not the exact plan though. i figured i want to study again but im just worried about the expenses. if i study, there will be more money coming out of the household than coming in. it's also a sad fact that the youth of today is not strong enough to resist peer pressure and consumerism and all we adults can do, aside from constant reminding which actually fails, is to help them adapt to this sad fact. my siblings are afflicted by this disease! it's a generation gap that i now understand and probably what my dad worried about when i was growing up. anyway, back to culinary school, my brother told me to create opportunities for myself and it would take patience. omg i know that?! it's just that my worry is money. ive just realized this hard lately that even if i would like to stay in the philippines and be of service to my countrymen, my country cant take care of me and would probably eat me alive sooner or later. it's not a matter of national pride here anymore. there's something wrong with the system so people choose to leave this rathole! labor is too cheap that filipinos' worth is so much lower when we do the same amount of work as the expatriates, you can't save much because it's just break even, and even your fellow filipinos pull you down. how pathetic is that? when you get sick and you don't have money for treatment, your government will just let you die because you cant afford medical expenses. when you are fit to work, you cant earn much. how much worse can it be when you're too old to work? where will be your source of income?! i have plans of leaving the country and going back for retirement. just sad, really. i really didnt want it to happen this way, but the philippines, the place and its structure to be exact, is die-in-a-fire material. on the other hand, what the philippines stand for and what it means to be filipino is to die for and if only things could get better around here, i would not need to make this hard decision.

tags: flash  disk  usb  drive  missing  brother  gift  laptop  money  appliances  migration  philippines  

links: digg this    del.icio.us    technorati    reddit