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Eat it! Lick it! Snort it! Stretch it!
I attended a stretching class of some sort right after my dance class. It was supposed to be a combination of yoga, tai chi and pilates exercises. At some point, I felt so gay in the class, believe it, I've never felt so gay in my entire life! Nah, kidding, but I do understand how this kind of class gets the least number of participants while in hip-hop dance class, there's not much space in the studio. There's something about the movements you do in stretching classes that make the experience so gay, even for a girl like me.
To be honest, instead of concentrating on "reaching for the sky" and "finding the center" of my body, I couldn't help but wonder about that bulge on my teacher's crotch. Gawd, have mercy on your balls, sir. Those stretch pants made me cringe! Second, while we were stretching our limbs, the music playing in the background was Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within." Holy shit, I almost choked! Excruciating pain in my groin + Christina Aguilera = Meditate on that! (One time, it was even Sixpence None The Richer.)
Seriously, classes like this are as effective as the noisy classes like dancing, combat or cycling classes (Oh yeah, there's a class for cycling. Stationary bikes, I mean. I think there's a big screen placed in front of the bikers and they'd grunt and moan, AW YEAH! C'MON! while pedaling their fats away.) The exercises made me curse like a mute sailor (coz I can't be loud, you know) and it felt like, OMG I'm stretching for my future husband, look at the way my legs are stretched far apart it's so wrong yet it's so right!
Perhaps a few more sessions of this and I'd be like Violet Beauregarde minus the color. Taffy-tastic.
P.S. I'm sorry, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm just joking. Who knows though, I can kiss my elbows soon. Pretty exciting, don't you think?
