The Neurotic Housewife

i find myself looking around all the time so that i could write something here. im getting the hang of it, and my little notebook says so. if it were a real person, i would have been charged with rape. wait, rape is too much. besides, i dont like writing perverted things. i just try to contain them in my head and savour each thought la la la la. i think i'd be charged for injury instead, like pen abrasion or something if my notebook sues. *cuckoo*

i feel empty even if i live with hoarders, i think the stage 1 kind if ever there are stages to this disorder, i have no idea. all these junk in my house, do they mean a thing to me? no. i have to admit that i cannot maintain a VERY VERY clean house if i own one, but id be the type to stay up til morning out of the blue to scrub floors because i felt like doing it at the time. i probably will be a neurotic housewife in my 40s:

husband: aren't you going to sleep?

me: *sitting on the floor with a bunch of photographs* yes, but look at these. what, they're fading! that should not happen. and oh, this picture... that trip we took to the theme park, do you remember the time i lost an earring? i just found it in one of the pockets of the backpack that i never bothered to use after that. i was doing the laundr--

husband: i can't sleep with the light on. please, go to bed.

me: wait, i can't remember if the fridge is shut. can't let the cold air get out just like that. ill be right back. *piles the photographs together on one side and goes to the kitchen*

10 minutes has passed. noise coming from the kitchen. husband wakes up to check me.

husband: what are you doing?!

me: *holding on to a frying pan* i did check the fridge and it was shut tight, thank goodness, but i was thirsty so i opened it to get some water and found the leftover fish on the frying pan. *flails arm with frying pan* A FRYING PAN!

husband: and?

me: well i do remember this frying pan came with a set of pans we got from our wedding but i think this is the only one i've seen lately, so i came looking for the other pans in the cabinets. there were other things in the cabinets piled up so when i grabbed the handle of one of the pots, everything fell on the floor so i had to go put them all back in, but none of them were from the set where this frying pan came from. i dont know where they are!

husband: ill buy you a new set of pans if you like, but go to bed already, please. im tired.

me: oh you don't have to buy a new one when we already have our own. i just cant find them.

husband: *shakes head* why did i get married to a crazy woman?

me: shut up. you fell in love with me, therefore you are crazy. go to bed without me. i wont be able to sleep until i know where they are. they're gifts, of course they're important.

husband: those can wait. i can't. just do it tomorrow when the sun's up. let's go to sleep already.

me: do you think we left the pans in your mother's house?

husband: JAMIE!

 

of course im just kidding. i am so bored right now you can easily tell.

tags: notebook  hoarding  neurotic  housewife  

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